2005/ 03/ 30     7: 05 am

I'm sick of people, and I'm sick of life. I've thought about ending it quite offen, but God must not want me in heaven. Ever since I started getting beaten up, my body doesn't seem to wanna bleed anymore. If God doesn't want me, then damnit throw me to the Devil. I just wanna end this, all the pain people have put me through.
Forget what I've heard about suicide being a permanate solution to a temporary problem, pain loves me more than anything or anyone in this world has ever said. Hell, my own parents don't seem to care anymore. I got beat up at school one day, came home covered in bruises and throwing up blood because the guy nearly ruptured something, and my dad beat the snot out of me for getting suspended. If that's what a parent does when they love you, I'd hate to see what he'd do to me if he hated my guts.
I've got heart problems today because what happened then went untreated, and severe depression on top of that. The depression is still untreated, even though the doctor said if it was left without treatment for too long I'd become suicidal. Hm, you think almost six YEARS is too long? Well, I do.
Try explaining that to my folks, though. To top my life off perfectly: I'm still getting beat up at school, my uncle has raped me twice, and I'm now the subject of every gossip topic in my school. Yeah, top it off with poison and acid. That way everything can just eat away at me from the inside, while still leaving the loner attitude intact until it becomes too much and I start to show my pain.