2005/ 03/ 30     7: 05 am

I'm sick of people, and I'm sick of life. I've thought about ending it quite offen, but God must not want me in heaven. Ever since I started getting beaten up, my body doesn't seem to wanna bleed anymore. If God doesn't want me, then damnit throw me to the Devil. I just wanna end this, all the pain people have put me through.
Forget what I've heard about suicide being a permanate solution to a temporary problem, pain loves me more than anything or anyone in this world has ever said. Hell, my own parents don't seem to care anymore. I got beat up at school one day, came home covered in bruises and throwing up blood because the guy nearly ruptured something, and my dad beat the snot out of me for getting suspended. If that's what a parent does when they love you, I'd hate to see what he'd do to me if he hated my guts.
I've got heart problems today because what happened then went untreated, and severe depression on top of that. The depression is still untreated, even though the doctor said if it was left without treatment for too long I'd become suicidal. Hm, you think almost six YEARS is too long? Well, I do.
Try explaining that to my folks, though. To top my life off perfectly: I'm still getting beat up at school, my uncle has raped me twice, and I'm now the subject of every gossip topic in my school. Yeah, top it off with poison and acid. That way everything can just eat away at me from the inside, while still leaving the loner attitude intact until it becomes too much and I start to show my pain.

My name's Kaido, and I guess I'm just gonna rant now.

2005/ 3/ 23   3: 56 pm

My day has sucked so far! My brother is being a prick, my ex-girlfriend keeps pestering me to have a threesome with her and her new boyfriend (even though I'm an avid lesbian), and I'm tired of people in general! All except for my amoureux, she's never counted in the "people in general" rant.

Okay, the REAL reason I'm even doing this! I have really wierd dreams, in which I'm doing the "down and dirty" with my brothers best friend Mike. The more recent ones involve my brother, too. This worries me, even though a friend has told me that it's perfectly normal for teenagers to have sex dreams about relatives. I mean, I like Mike and everything, but just as a friend. As for my brother... incest literally makes me sick.

If ANYONE knows what's going on with these dreams, or any way to get rid of them; either email me or comment or something like that. I know it's normal and stuff, according to my friend anyways, but it really freaks me out.